7 Reasons Not To Mess With A Child
1) A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to
swallow a human because even though it was a very large
mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated
that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher
reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was
physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to
heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah
went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
2) A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they
were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As
she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the
drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said,
"But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up
from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
3) A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and
six-year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy
Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our
brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a
family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
4) One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at
the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother has several strands of
white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her
mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me
cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this
revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs
5) The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it
will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer,
she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael; he's a doctor.' A small voice at the back
of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher; she's dead."
6) A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make
the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as
you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes," the class
said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position
the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet
7) The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school
for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a
note, and posted it on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving
further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of
chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want . . . God
is watching the apples."
An adorable little girl, all blonde curls and blue eyes walks into a pet shop
and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter do you keep widdle
The shopkeeper's heart melts and he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her
level, and asks: "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack
wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?"
She, blushing, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward
and says in a quiet voice: "I don't think my python weally givth a phuck."
Kids On Relationships
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." Camille, age 10
"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married."
Freddie, age 6
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same
kids." Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MUM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
"Both don't want any more kids." Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other.
Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough." Lynnette, age 8
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them
interested enough to go for a second date." Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and
make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
"When they're rich." Pam, age 7
"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that."
Curt, age 6
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
"I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to
have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out." Theodore, age 8
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean
up after them." Anita, age 9
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck." Ricky,
joke or funny story you want to share? Click
HERE to submit a